Getting a little easier!!

I hate that I have been neglecting my blog cuz I really do enjoy writing! Always have! It's been a little over a month since my last entry so I guess I have some catching up to do!

Christmas didn't really seem like Christmas this year due to "lack of funds" to put it nicely. We knew it would be rough trying to get caught up from me being on maternity leave and then stumbling right onto the holidays but we muttled through somehow. I hate that I am not able to give my children what their friends are getting but I can't afford to buy them the best phones and laptops and new clothes every week. Hopefully this will help them appreciate what they DO have and when I am able to buy them things they will respect it. We celebrated early this year just to get it over with. Mom was willing as well so we just did a small get together and then on Christmas Eve we went to Taco Johns and Mama, me and Kate went to look @ Christmas lights. It has been a tradition for as long as I can remember and we had a great time!!! Earlier that day I took Liam to St. Jo to get his pic taken with Santa. Duane was afraid he wouldn't let Santa hold him. I knew better. My boy lets ANYONE hold him. Mom told me I need to teach this kid "stranger danger" LOL! Anyway....Liam did great! It was soooo cold that day that we almost didn't take him. I didn't do this with my first 2 kids but I would love to take Liam every year! It's so much more fun being a parent to Liam because his Daddy loves him just as much as I do. It is so nice to have a 2nd parent as I was completely alone for my older 2. I can't wait for the spring so we can take him to the Omaha zoo!

 

After a lot of encouragement, we started Liam on cereal a few weeks ago. At first we didn't notice much difference. The reason we started it early (Dr. recommends 4-6 mos.) was because we were hoping it would help him sleep for longer periods of time. It wasn't until we bumped him up to 2 TBS per 4 oz that we even began to see results. He is still getting up in the night but he goes right back to sleep. Before he would sleep maybe 4 hours then he was up for the rest of the night sometimes. Hopefully we are on the right track and can soon try him in the bassinet again. I gave up on it cuz I wanted to sleep as much as I could!

It has been sooooo friggin cold lately! As many of you know...I HATE winter!!! HATE HATE HATE it! I hate the snow and the ice mainly but I hate having to put my coat, shoes and gloves on everywhere I go! My hair gets all staticky! I hate having to warm my car up. I can't take Liam out for fear of him getting sick...that and it's just too damn cold to deal with it! I want shorts, flippy floppies and warm weather!!! Only 5 months to go!!! UGH!!! Yet another reason to drag my happy butt to Florida!

 

With the cold comes sickness! Liam and I got it first. The whole family has had a cough and stuffy nose. My poor husband got it the worst....I'm gonna blame it on the fact that he is a smoker. He went to the ER the other night while I was at work and found out he has the FLU, Bronchitis and a touch of pneumonia. Gave him a shot and sent him on his way. I think he is feeling a bit better but still feels rough!

My 2 sick boys! Liam has been drooling non-stop for a couple months now and I swear he is cutting teeth but he hasn't been cranky and no fever...and nothing poking its way through his little gums YET!  STAY TUNED!!!

I am soooo getting excited about income tax time. I have a million and 1 things I wanna buy and this is the only time of the year that we get to buy those things that the rest of the world is able to buy through the year! 1st thing I am getting us new phones and I am gonna try to buy the kids laptops so that they will stay off of mine!!! Of course there are a ton of things that I hate to spend money on but have to such as property tax and getting Duane's teeth pulled and catching up on bills...but hopefully there will be some "play" money left over!!!

 

Kate and I will be going to see this girl in August! We are her biggest fans and she has been to KC several times and we weren't able to go...but this year....WE ARE GOING!!! The countdown is ON!

 

 

This girl is getting sleepy. I was up most of the night because Duane has been sick and he snored ALL night so I am letting him sleep in a bit more then I am taking over that paradise I call MY BED!

 

B4 I say goodbye til next month/year I will leave you with this! Hard 2 believe my favorite little man is 3 months old!!!! :(

 

 

 



 

Getting used 2 being...EXHAUSTED!

Liam will be 2 months old on Monday. Hard to believe..but so very true! He has picked up weight like none other. Every time I see him I think he has gained 5 pounds! He is starting to sleep a little bit longer @ night which is great except I am so used to getting up every 2 hours with him that I just can't sleep @ all. Ever. Not @ night. Not during the day! So...needless to say I walk around zombified most of the time and have to answer questions like "what's wrong?" and "are you mad?" CONSTANTLY! I typically get maybe 3 hours of sleep a night. I spend most of the night tossing and turning and laying there waiting for Liam to wake up and when he does I am so tired I can't keep my eyes open!

Yesterday was Thanksgiving. This year has been so screwy and the month of November was probably the worst month of the year financially because I have been trying to get back and forth to work which is rather expensive as gas is $3.09 a gallon! I have yet to receive a full paycheck and once I do things will start to look up...or so I hope. One day last week, I went out to my car to go to work and it wouldn't start. Within 10 minutes Duane got it started and I haven't had any further trouble with it but now I am paranoid about it! My biggest fear is going to work and coming out @ 1030 when its FREEZING and the car won't start. I'm a long ways away from home!!

I have a whole pile of things that I pray will wait til February when I get my income tax...getting my car checked on is one of those things! Til then...I will just keep on truckin!

A New Routine!

It's been 5 weeks since I took my leave from work. It seems like its been 1!!! Tomorrow my favorite little man in the world will be 1 month old??? How does this happen? Why does time go so fast? Something about a new life that makes you appreciate life's little things.

1st Month In Review



Duane and I have gotten a routine and we take turns with 1st and 2nd shift! I LONG for the 2nd shift cuz it seems like those are the only nights when I get a really good night of sleep but sometimes it just doesn't even seem to matter. He still has good nights and bad nights. Last night was a wonderful night. I slept almost 7 hours straight! Pretty sure that hasn't happened in the last month!

That fear of a newborn baby is gone now. We are both very comfortable now. We know the difference in his cries. We know when he doesn't feel good. Tomorrow I have my follow up appointment with Jane. I am less than excited but its a step I have 2 take 2 get released 4 work. If I am released I should be heading back 2 work Tuesday. If Im not...I will have another week off I spec. I think Im ready 2 go back. Of course I will miss the baby, and having all the freedom of being home all the time but money is essential to survival and Christmas?? Good grief..that's coming our way too!

My older kids have their own lives and I haven't gotten to see them much in the time I have been off. Andy seems to be dipping back into some old habits that I have tried for years to stear him clear of but @ 17...I am done trying. He is old enough 2 know better. He has seen the consequences. I am only one person and can't live his life for him. My little lady (the only one I will ever have...thank God I have ONE) has been in "teenager land" since the beginning of the school year. She is with her best friend every day. Seriously...every day. She is growing up really fast but I still see alot of innocence that I hope she doesn't lose anytime soon.

I have wanted to capture a family photo for a very long time....ok since Liam was born but Andy is never here and if he is here...Kate is gone! My love for photography has returned and if I had the time and money I would love to take a class to get better at it. I have my eyes on this beauty that I think I will purchase @ income tax time!



Canon Powershot G-15....YES PLEASE!!!


 

A huge step up from the current Canon Powershot I have but a girl can dream right?

Also...the food!

We have been eating like Kings and Queens! I have had some time to actually cook some of the goodies I have been pinning for months. Last night I made this.....

Chicken Spaghetti

AND 4 Dessert?????

Pumpkin Bars


Needless 2 say....both were AMAZING!!!!



FINALLY....Birth Day!!!

This is the moment we had been waiting for...for what seemed like an eternity! We had been rescheduled to induce Monday Oct. 1 @ 10am instead of our original 6am.

As I had imagined, I got very little sleep the night before. I was so anxious. Scared something somewhere would go wrong. There is so much room for error with a little human life.

6am
I couldn't sleep so I got up with the kiddies to see them off before school. I had plans later in the am to take Mom to run some errands.

7am
Kiddies were off to school and I was a nervous wreck. Duane was up @ this time too. I decided to go back to bed.

730am
Back up...couldn't sleep. Missed a call from the hospital. Returned call to Gail. I was afraid they were going to tell me that they were so busy that they wouldn't be able to do it that day. It was the opposite. She was ready when I was! I rushed around trying to grab those last minute items and double check everything!

8am
Picked up Mama.

830am
Checked into St. Francis OB. We made our way through the crowd. Someone had just had a baby girl that am. They showed us to our room and it was all getting very very real. Duane wasn't nervous @ all like I thought he would be...or @ least he didn't show it. I was nervous enough for the both of us! He was just excited to meet this little guy that we had grown to love a little more every day over the last 9 months!

9am
Jane was in to see me. They hadn't even started my IV yet. She checked me for dilation and said I was still about 1 1/2. She wanted to break my water to speed things along. Initially when she broke my water, I felt nothing. Over the next 2 hours it would continue to leak....and leak alot! I had no idea how much water was in there with my baby. This is what protected him when I fell!

930am
Got my IV in and drew blood too!

10am
Started the Pitocin drip to start contractions.

11am
Contractions started. What felt like Braxton Hicks @ first and throughout the hour became a little stronger.

12pm
Contractions were full force and every 2-3 minutes.

1230pm
Jane was back in to see me. She said I was dilated between 2 and 3??? I was angry! I felt like I should have been @ least a 6! Jane told the nurse to try to get me to hold off on the epidural til I was about a 4 but to use her own judgement.

1pm
I was ready for the epidural but everything I had ever heard told me that it would slow labor down and I didn't want to slow it down. MUST KEEP GOING!!!!

130pm
I had had ENOUGH!!!! Get her in here and get her in here now!!!! The girl next door was getting her epidural. The anesthesiologist was finishing up!

2pm
Mama came into see me. She had been there all day but can't stand to see me in pain so she was in my room very little. She left the room crying and of course I'm a bawl bag so I too was crying. Not sure if it was because she was crying or because I was in so much pain or if it was because I was sooooo damn mad that I hadn't had my epidural yet! Maybe a combination of things!

230pm
FINALLY...after many many tears she was there! I didn't want to move a muscle but they made me sit on the side of the bed with my hands folded in my lap and my head resting on Duane's chest. Meanwhile the nurse is squatted on the floor trying to keep track of baby's heartbeat. Contractions were every 1 1/2 minutes. This was the hardest part of the entire day!!! Having a needle put in my spine while I was in the worst pain imaginable??? Looking back..not sure how I survived. As relaxed as I was trying to be. I jumped. I was scolded by everyone in the room! Then I had pain running down my back. WTF was that? She questioned as to if it was going down one leg. Then a contraction hit. I don't know where the pain is lady!!! It's EVERYWHERE!!!

Then I felt relief. FINALLY relief! What a magnificent feeling. Suddenly I loved everyone!

3pm
I was feeling AMAZING!!!! I had Duane call Mom back in the room because I wanted her to see that I was better! I was numb everywhere! I could still move and could still feel the contractions but I didn't care. It was mild compared to what I had just been through. Not having had an epidural with my other 2 I wasn't sure the amount of relief I would have and didn't ask alot of questions prior because the thought of the whole thing scared me but the pain was far worse than my other 2 kiddies. I HAD 2 HAVE IT!!! I asked the nurse if this would be as strong as my contractions were until the end and she said yes. I was thanking God and loving life! Ready 4 a back flip!!! (or maybe just a high 5??)

320pm
The nurse checked me and I was a 7??? I couldn't believe it! I was hoping for a 4 and was THRILLED to be a 7! I WAS ALMOST THERE!!!!!

The nurse put her shoe covers and mask and all the goodies on. She must think we are moving along nicely.

Mom left to go get the kiddies something to eat since they were out of school now. I was getting concerned cuz some of the contractions were just like before. What was going on?

330pm
Ok....not just my imagination...the contractions were hard...WTF? My epidural didn't work!!!!

350pm
Something was going on. I told the nurse we need to get Jane in here. With my last contraction, I felt the urge to push. She wanted to check me. She said I was probably right and sure enough she went out to call Jane. Meanwhile I prayed that he didn't come out before she got in there.

Please Liam...hold on!

She had me put my legs in the stirrups. I questioned...BEFORE JANE GETS HERE????? I thought if I lay real still...maybe we could keep him in there til she arrives!

355pm-411pm
Jane was there. Thank you God! I have never been so happy to see anyone in my life! I started pushing immediately. After the second push she told me with one more push we could be done! Whaaaaaa???? As much as it hurt....I wanted it to be over. Again...I swear somebody took over my body cuz I have ZERO tolerance for pain! With the 3rd push...he was out! He was here. He was finally here!!!! Duane was so excited to cut the cord. He told me later that he watched him come out! He was soooo nervous about the whole delivery. I'm very proud of him!!!

Then they put him on my stomach. IMMEDIATELY. He was still covered in the white pasty stuff. I know there is a technical term for this but pasty stuff sounds good for now!

His eyes were open. Looking right at me. He was beautiful. Absolutely beautiful. I scanned him for his toes and fingers and everything was right where it was supposed to be. He was so quiet and calm. After what we had just been through? He did amazing! I have never seen Duane so happy in my life. Without a doubt...one of the very happiest moments in my entire life...if not THE happiest.

Poor Duane had to call all of our family and announce it to all of our Facebook family when all he really wanted to do was hold his newborn infant son...which is now one of Liam's many nicknames.

Mama couldn't believe she had only been gone 30 minutes and BAM he was here! She brought Andy in and everyone took their turns holding the little ball of wonder. Kate arrived with her BFF Lexi and they both held him.

What a wonderful day. I can say this now because the pain isn't on my mind as I type this...only the reward!!!

7pm
We got settled into our new room. Everything was perfect. All of the nurses and our wonderful wonderful Dr. All of the planning...all of the fear....the longest 9 months of my life and all the mountains I climbed during those 9 months. NOT what I had planned but I know it was what God had planned. We did ok. We made it! All of us. All of my wonderful family and the friends that really mattered stood by me through all of it!

So blessed.

 October 1, 2012

Time: 4:11pm

Weight: 7 lbs 1 oz.

Height: 21 inches

 

Weighing In!!!!

PERFECTION!

Prolly my favorite picture of the entire day!

Such a good baby boy!

All worth it!

So glad my Mama is still here to meet her grandbaby!

Absolutely!

 

 

Day b4 Induction!

The last few days have been horrible! Not horribly uncomfortable or painful. Absolutely no contractions....none that actually amount to anything at all! Every time I stand up, or laugh or do anything else out of the ordinary, I think...well maybe my water will break! NOPE!!! Not with this kid! He is gonna be like my other boy and we are gonna have to go in after him! Induction was originally scheduled for 6am tomorrow but due to "scheduling conflicts" they pushed me back to 10am! They obviously don't know how ancy I have been! Yesterday was the very worst! The kids were both home and both very hyper and Duane and I are both on edge anyway cuz we are sooooo close! I tried to lay down and take a nap several times but all I could do was think. Think about everything...and I do mean everything! I am my Mama's child! I won't be able to rest until it is all over and I am holding him in my arms and I can see that he is ok...til then, my mind wanders! Every time a baby is born perfectly healthy, its an absolute miracle that so many people take for granted. There are a ton of things that can go wrong! Duane and I went to the park yesterday (as we have done several times in the past) we sat there for a while and enjoyed the quiet and the beautiful weather. Fall is our favorite time of the year for obvious reasons. The weather is beautiful, the trees are changing colors, temp. is cooler...almost hoodie time (Duane's fave...not mine) and FOOOOOTBALL!!! After we got to the park...everything was ok. I had calmed down and could actually relax. It helps that I have an amazing husband who would do anything in the world for me and vice verse. When we are together...its like the rest of the world doesn't exist. I wish everyone had someone like that. It's so hard to find and I spent YEARS of my life with the wrong people thinking that was "as good as it gets". I know now that it was God's way of teaching me to appreciate what I have when the right one does come along...and I do. I really really do!

 

I'm sure today will drag on and on because anytime I'm looking fwd to something that's the way it works. However, Mama's saying "things always look bigger coming up than looking back" prolly won't come into play here! Ha!

 

I have had my bags packed for months and keep throwing things into them. Mama has her bag packed. I pray she gets through this ok. She has been soooo nervous and looks like she wants to cry every time she sees me. Neither of the kids have expressed a desire to even be at the hospital so I am sending them to school like a normal day. Hoping by the time they get out that they will have a new little brother!

 

It is going to be SUCH a lifestyle change for the whole family and I pray that everyone adjusts well. I am sure Mama will be spending some extra time @ our house which is fine with me...she's all I have left and Duane LOVES her to death and FINALLY my Mama loves him too! I have never dated a guy Mama has even liked before my Ducky...but he's pretty hard to NOT love!

 

Yesterday am we went to 3 yard sales. No we didn't really have the money but ya never know what you are gonna find @ a sale! The last sale we went to had a big table of baby clothes (BOY BABY CLOTHES). Duane started throwing them into a pile. NB clothes are sooooo hard to pass up cuz they are so tiny and adorable to say the least. But the most exciting for both of us was the huge table of Mizzou and Chiefs t-shirts (long sleeve and short) and hoodies! Duane grabbed one hoodie and went to the check out but that's my restless duck! He doesn't really know how to work a yard sale. He's had some training but still needs work! In the end...we had about 20 shirts...all in great condition for $1 a piece??? HELLO FRIENDS!!!!!  Once we got home, Duane washed them (he is my new laundry guy....which I will be saddened to terminate once baby arrives) and then we sorted them.

 

HAPPY WHITHAMS!!!!

 

Been trying to keep the house cleaned and food in the house for the few days I won't be home but today...I give up! It's my last day to rest...and I'm gonna do it!!! Today is my favorite day of the week....CHIEFS GAME DAY! Gawsh I hope we look better than we did last week! We won against Drew Brees and the Saints last week but I didn't even care cuz Matty looked bloody awful and Dex got hurt....luckily not as bad as it looked but was replayed a million times that day!

 

The next time I post....I will have pictures! LOTS of pictures!!!! Til then...pray for me. Immma gonna need all the prayer I can get!! :)

 

 

I DID IT!!!!!

September 20th! It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. The week seemed to last FOREVER!!!! Was it because I knew it was my last week or because I'm in my 38th week??? Maybe a bit of both! The week started slow...which @ this point is my favorite!!!! Tuesday we had an appt. with Jane. She confirmed our schedule for Oct. 1 was still a go!!!! Dilated to 1 1/2???? What a joke! This kid is in NO hurry!! I have always said he is so comfy in there that he isn't goin anywhere til we drag him kicking and screaming from his little pod (or water bag as my Mama calls it!!!!)Wednesday the girls threw a baby shower for me complete with yummies all around! Very sweet and greatly appreciated!!! Thursday was a day from hell!!! I am pretty sure I have never been in so much "self inflicted" pain in my life. Sad thing about being the only nurse in the building...YOU JUST HAFTA KEEP GOING!!!!!

 

This week I made my FINAL car payment! What a relief!!! Lil Blue is MINE! Nobody can take her from me! YAY ME!!!! Sometimes hard work DOES pay off!!!!

 

Friday was prolly the most enjoyable day I have had in a really long time. No worries. None. I didn't have to wonder how I was gonna drag myself to work when it hurts to stand for more than 5 minutes. My Duck and I had a good visit with Mama, then we got some Subs and later went to a couple garage sales. I think I spent $5 but really had a great time and the weather this time of the year is absolutely beautiful!!!

 

Yesterday, me and the boys got our Halloween decorations out! The house looks great! I have been back and forth about moving to a larger apartment but this feels like home. Hopefully we can stay here another year or so b4 we totally outgrow it! We put our stroller and hospital bags in the car and I went through Liam's belongings one last time. I prolly wouldn't have to go through them so often if Liam didn't have an OVERLY excited Daddy!!! LOL

 

Today is Chiefs game day! They have lost the last 2 games but I can't help but STILL get excited!!! Every day is a new day and I will continue to have faith in my boys!!!!

 

GO CHIEFS!!!!

We're gonna make it after all....

WARNING!!!! PREGNANCY RAMBLING UP AHEAD...PROCEED WITH CAUTION!!!

So nothing really exciting happened this week. Looking back...nothing remarkable happened this week @ all but somehow I feel compelled to blog just because I woke up @ 3am and I'm happy!!!

This week started off with a Chiefs loss...a horrible loss! I guess it doesn't matter how bad they lose...it sucks regardless! 10 years ago if you told me I would be a Chief's fanatic, I would have laughed my ass off!!!

 

Who knew that I would get sooooo giddy on game day???? Certainly not THIS girl!!! Odd to me cuz my Dad and my sister were both football fans and my sister...she LOVED the Chiefs. I dated guys who were football fans but never had I grown to love it til I met my lovable Duck!

 

Guess I should thank him for that one day but as my biggest blog fan....he is prolly reading this now! LOL

 

As Monday rolled around....we had yet another appointment with Jane! (We are weekly now) We are both getting sooooo ancy for baby and sometimes I forget that this is Duane's "first time" with all of this. He has so many questions and most of them can't even be answered because every woman/baby is different! He even tried to sneak out of the room while the Dr. checked to see if I was dilated! LOL

 

I forced him to stay as I thought he prolly should get used to all the fun stuff and men are truly clueless what a woman goes through! Upon assessment, Dr. said baby still presenting head down and that I am dilated to 1. This makes me happy but @ the same time....LET'S GET THE SHOW ON THE ROAD KID!

 

The work week went well and I have been questioning myself as to rather I should have just worked right up til Oct. 1 or no? I am feeling pretty good...dare I say that?

 

I worry because I remember being so miserable with Andrew and Kaitlyn in the last month. I wasn't able to work past the 7th month with Kate d/t back pain. A lot has changed since then. Maybe I have just gotten better @ life in general??? I hope this applies in the delivery room!

 

This week has brought some financial woes that I didn't want to have to deal with just weeks before my maternity leave. I won't get into details but it has had me BEYOND stressed! I didn't sleep most of the week wondering what to do to fix this. I wanted it to just go away. Yesterday I realized...it wasn't going away and I needed to put on my big girl pants (and @ this stage...they are rather large) and deal with this so that I can enjoy my maternity leave!

 

Long story short. If I can make it through the week?

 

We are gonna be JUST fine!

 

Thank you God!

 



The Fall!

What a week it has been!!!

Wrapping up the end of my pregnancy...struggling to get to work everyday to make every cent I can before I take maternity leave so I don't have to worry about it while I am not working. Tuesday am, Duane and ran some errands with Mama, then went to Hyvee and loaded up on the salad bar. About an hour later I got myself ready for work. I had left my bag in the car so I was carrying my drink from Hyvee and my phone charger out to the car which is literally 3 feet from my front door. Duane was behind me with my dinner for the night. It was sunny that afternoon and I don't remember exactly what caused me to fall but none the less...down I went! Face first into the concrete! I learned later that I had stepped on a rock which caused my ankle to turn!

My first instinct...GET UP U FOOL BEFORE SOMEBODY SEES U!!! Next? OMG I just fell on the baby....HARD! Was I ok? Should I just get in the car and carry on? No! I knew I couldn't go through the day without assuring Liam was safe....nor would Duane allow it. I have NEVER seen him more scared. On the way to the hospital (which was a verrrry short drive) it started to hit me what had just happened and the wounds (my nose, my right elbow and both my knees) were starting to really burn...and bleed.

Not sure where to go...ER or OB...they got us to OB rather quickly. Seemed like forever before they hooked me to the fetal monitor. Nobody seemed to be in a hurry. I try to be patient...but they don't know my duck. He has ZERO patience especially when myself and baby are hurt! Trying to remain calm and keep him from attacking the nurse....we heard it. Liam's heartbeat. 150 she said.

BREATHE IN

BREATHE OUT

We were fine! I was ok after that. I knew he wasn't hurt...nor was he in distress. Somehow God...or one of our sweet angels cushioned our fall!

This did not calm my husband. He was still VERY upset and VERY concerned. It didn't help that I laid there for an hour and a half with 4 open wounds before someone thought it would be a good idea to dress them!

DA NOSE 



RIGHT KNEE

 

After about 4 hours, we got to go home. REALLY starting to get sore. I was up most of the night. Hard to get comfortable with baby...and a bum arm and leg. I was smart and called into work early in the am. I knew there was no hobbling out the door that day. I could hardly stand up. Knee was swollen. I was attempting to put ice, TAO and antiseptic spray...elevate it...blah blah blah. Everything seemed to make it worse.

 

Now that it has been 4 days since the incident...feeling much better but I haven't forgotten the wounds are there! LOL

 

As for Liam...I think he slept through the whole thing! Silly kid! Every time he moves around I am sooo thankful that he is doing ok! While we were @ the hospital...they did a sonogram to check fluid, placenta and baby for activity. All was good and baby is head down now which means c-section is OUT!!!

 

Crap! I was soooo getting used to the idea of the drop off delivery!!! Wasn't meant to be as Mama Brown always says! So I have been thinkin about the birth ALOT the last few days...even more than usual! Scared about the pain...scared about the epidural. Will my sweet duck survive? Will Mama survive?

 

God I hope u don't take that day off!

 

 



Wrapping up Week 33...or 34?

Been a while since I have blogged about anything. Maybe I was waiting until I had A LOT to talk about? I will try to throw the excitement of the last few weeks in 1 post! (WISH ME LUCK!)

I guess the first thing...that is a major change for our household is the kiddies are back in school now. The summer went by so fast and for them I'm sure it went twice as fast. The last couple weeks were the worst...not sure why really. Anyway...Andrew is a junior this year and Kate is a Freshmen. I know...sad! :(

Kate was very nervous..not just because of the new school but HIGH SCHOOL! School has been in session for a little over a week and I think they are getting into the groove of things. I hated high school so I don't envy them. It's just one of those things that you have to participate in to get to the rest of your life.

We will start with the best pic!

Goofy...yup they're mine!

Hard to believe this is my child with long hair and lip rings. Looks a little different then my 3 year old blond terrror I remember!

Can't believe how grown up she is already! I see her every single day but pictures open your eyes sometimes more than real life!

I was shocked at how excited they were on the first day. I only posted the pics that they won't complain about me sharing with THE WHOLE WORLD because I took several and after careful consideration....these were the chosen ones.

 

Since I am talking about my children, I might as well throw the little guy in there.

 

This is the best pic we have of Liam. He just looks happy and I can see his little nose and lips. It will have to be enough to get us through another month!

 

It's so hard to get a good picture of a sonogram pic. I wish I could have gotten a 3D US with a disc and such but trying to keep cost down and our insurance won't cover a 3D. Duane and I were both anxious about this particular visit. Him because he is an anxious Daddy and just wanted to make sure baby was doing ok and me? I just wanted to make sure he was still a boy! AND HE IS!!!

Everything seems to be going great with baby. Seems very healthy. Always active. When he isn't active...I worry. We haven't seen our OB since July 3rd which is a really long time when a girl is as far along as I am. When they made my appointment they had to work around the time Jane WASN'T in the office and then they called to reschedule once and last Wednesday we went in for our appointment, waited 30-45 minutes and they came and told us that Jane had to leave to go up to delivery. NONSENSE!

We were very angry. We look forward to every visit...especially this one because we have decided that we want a c-section. We want to make plans for the c-section and we had lots of questions that have yet to be answered because our new appointment is on Monday. HOPEFULLY we get to see her then!

With our last US they gave me a new DD of Sept. 29th...which sounds amazing. I am not sure Jane will move us up but I'm hoping! I'm also hoping that I can take 3-4 weeks off and be healthy and get back to work cuz Christmas is coming and coming fast....as it always does! LOVING the fact that some of the stores have their Halloween stuff out already. As horrible as it seems...Halloween is my favorite holiday. I love to decorate. Love all the spooky stuff and LOVE scary movies!!!! Also, there isn't the added stress of having to spend hundreds of dollars on the people that mean the most to me. I hate that Christmas has come to that. I guess if I was a millionaire...Christmas would be my favorite holiday. Til then.....Halloween is it for me! :)

The place where Lil Liam will be born...if all goes as planned!

 

The night b4 our last appointment I went to the hospital because I was having regular contractions. I called into work several hours b4 because they were time able and BH aren't supposed to be. I was also having alot of back pain and some pelvic pressure. I let this go on for about 5 hours b4 I decided to go to the hospital. Part of me knew it was way too soon but with all the symptoms...I had to be sure. After 3 hours in OB and a lot of monitoring they determined I was just dehydrated? Believe it or not after I drank LOTS more water than I wanted, the contractions stopped. I really haven't had any since then! As much as Duane and I want to meet our little guy...we want him here healthy and fully baked! I'm hoping the next few weeks go quickly.

 

Work is becoming more challenging. I can't stand for long...30 minutes at the most or I feel like my bottom is gonna drop out. With this last week, I haven't even been able to sit comfortably either. Hoping that my employer will understand I am really doing the best I can. Just creepin up on the MISERABLE stage! There are many aspects of my job that I can't do to the fullest because I can't bend over and I can get to the floor but getting up is a nightmare! Luckily...I have a pretty good crew that seems genuinely concerned about me and tries to help whenever they can. When I was off for 1 day...I came back and staff that I seldom talk to came up to me and asked how I was feeling. Even residents. Kind of a switch to what I'm used to. Starting to remember why I worked @ Pine View for as long as I did the first time around.

 

People care...or at least pretend that they do and sometimes that's all I need to keep me going!

Survival Mode...

Pretty much sums up this week! Throughout my life I have struggled with bouts of depression. I always find a way to crawl out of it. This week has been awful. There are so many times that I just wanted to drop everything and just cry. Yes, I know probably the pregnancy hormones! That is what everybody keeps telling me. Sometimes I just feel completely alone...even when I am surrounded with people.

I deactivated my Facebook earlier this week. I have found I am less likely to get my feelings hurt with it deactivated. I miss it but so many things in my life have changed over the last several months that it's as if I am standing on the outside of a department store having a HUGE sale and I can't get in!

I try to focus on what makes me happy and stray from the mental stressors of everyday life.....

Currently I am in my 31st week. Today I have my 3rd and most likely my last ultrasound. Hoping Liam is doing ok and is getting into position 4 his big debut!!!! When I started working 2-10 I thought...oh boy...I don't have to be tired all the time anymore! WRONG! I am exhausted all the time. I am getting along better at work. Takes a long time for me to feel comfortable anywhere but I'm getting by. I wish I wasn't so socially awkward sometimes and wish that I could be more aggressive but that is a trait I got from my Mama. Not all bad I suppose but kind of a necessity when they expect you to be a CHARGE nurse.

Sometimes while I am typing on my blog I have flashbacks of my Doogie Howser M.D. days. Gosh I loved that show! Life was so simple back then. I had an amazing childhood. Sure I only had a handful of friends but they were good friends. I try to explain that to my daughter as she complains of only having a couple friends. She will be greatful for those friends later in life when she grows up and they all go their separate ways. Life does that to people and its so sad. I miss all of my friends. All of them...from every stage in my life. I keep in contact with nobody. All I have left are memories.

Kate returned from church camp this week. She had a blast and can't wait for her little brother to go to church camp where she will hopefully be a camp counselor. I pray that she stays involved in church and continues to be proud of her religion and her love for God as she goes into high school. High school sucks...there is really no other way to describe it....it sucks! I hated it and wouldn't go back if they paid me. Sad to think in 4 more years she will be out of school. She wants to grow up about as much as I want her to but unfortunately I haven't been able to find this "fountain of youth" yet!!!!

Andrew has quit his job @ McDonalds about a week and a half ago. Conveniently a week after we got him a new bed in which he was going to make monthly payments for. Even more convenient I get to take over those payments. The last week has been very similar to the behavior I was dealing with right before he went away to Clarence Kelley. I pray that we don't have to revisit those days. When I say we...I really mean ME! I am the one that can't sleep at night because I don't know where he is or what he is doing. I'm sure his Dad is sleeping like a baby. I can't imagine having 2 children and not supporting them or even caring about their well being. Just hope that he finds another job soon and I don't have to drag him out of bed every single morning to go to school.

I whine alot about foolish things like never having any money after I get paid to do the things I WANT to do. I guess I should be happy with what I have? I try to be. I really do. All my bills are paid but gosh it would be nice to be able to take myself shopping or get my hair done or my nails...blah blah blah. I keep trying to cut things in my head such as internet or cell phones or tv. All these things I fight to pay every month that are just a stressor but they are also things I want and my kids want. Not sure what the answer is but I'm tired of struggling. I make alot of money but the only way I survive is with my mother's help. Have I said thank God for her today??? I have thought about a second job after baby is born but do I really wanna go back to a 60 hour work week?

I THINK NOT!!!

Praying something good happens so I can enjoy life a little before my children are grown!!!

Sometimes ya gotta ask yourself why???

Really a pretty good week @ work. Such a different setting for me. Still getting used to it and the several different personalities I work with. There is always one person in every facility that makes having a PERFECT day next to impossible. Trying to avoid it and keeping the stress out of reach.

Easier said than done!

Sometimes in life people keep knocking you down, you have to wonder if its worth getting back up!

I constantly remind myself that the world is full of people. Why let one or two people bother me? I have 2 kids that for the most part are really good kids. I have a little one who never lets me forget he is there and a husband that loves me more than life. Duane told me today that Andrew heard us talking in the bedroom the other night and we sounded like the muppets. LOL Of course I laughed and thought....wow! I'm ok with that. Duane is my best friend and I know my children know that and I hope that they are able to find their soul mate one day as well. For 33 years, I didn't know it existed. It does. It really does!!!!

My Mama has had a really rough week and I think about her all the time. I would love to be able to take her out and just have a day together but sooo many things prevent that. One...the heat. The ungodly heat we have been experiencing. Two, I don't have much energy working 40 hours a week and being 7 months pregnant. And of course three. Money. Money makes the entire world go around and that just sucks cuz money...no matter how many hours I work...there is never enough of it! I hope she knows how much I love her anyway cuz she is pretty special! Monday she will celebrate her 68th birthday!!! Hope I get to celebrate again with her in 20 years!

PREGNANCY UPDATE:

Really starting to feel PREGNANT now! Almost 29 weeks now and yet it seems like the little guy will never get here. He already has such a cute personality and is predictable with his movements. Liam moves almost all the time when I am sitting still or laying in bed. We would love to see just what it is he is doing in there and will get to with our next ultrasound! When I rub my belly he settles down for a little bit like he is laying there wondering what happened and when Duane talks to him he is real still so we know he is listening and then he continues to do back flips across his little pod! I have been having Braxton Hicks contractions every single day for the last several weeks (started @ week 22). They are getting stronger and I never had them with my first 2 so that makes me think he will be arriving early...or so I hope! (Just not too early). Today we bought a used swing from a girl here in da Ville for $30! Works GREAT and sooo cute! Just a few more things to collect and we have everything in place....just need a baby!!! Duane and I have decided to talk to Dr. D about a C-Section. Partly cuz I am super nervous about a delivery soooo many years since my last one and secondly because we have agreed to get my tubes tied. Kinda sad but....it's time and it's what we both want.

Lastly, it's hard to talk about this week without mentioning the tragedy that occurred in Aurora, CO. My thoughts and prayers are with all of the victims and their families. I hope that soon we can find out why? Why was this senseless act committed? How sad it is that people can't even go to the movies now???? Currently, they are still trying to get into this mad man's apartment that he has trip wires and booby traps set up throughout. I have never understood how a person can walk up to another human being and shoot them and feel nothing. Absolutely nothing. God put us all here on the same planet. He made all of us. Why would he create people to kill other people? Soooo many questions for that God of mine. One day, I hope we all understand. Til then, I continue to have faith and thank God everyday for what he has given me and my family!

Week 27....GONE!

Duane and I had our week 27 visit with Dr. D today! She checked my iron level as well as my glucose tolerance. Both of which she said were really good! Liam's HR was 140. Good and strong! He has been very active today...well just about everyday. It seems he has gotten into a sleep routine. When I am working he doesn't move a lot until I get home and lay down. He gets very active then hears Mommy and Daddy talking and it seems to settle him down. The mornings are a different story. He wakes me up doing (what seem like back flips) and doesn't settle til I get up and get something to eat!
Duane and I joke that he is preparing his "pod" for evacuation! We have agreed he is taking down his Matt Cassel and Kate Beckingsale pics and packing his little suitcase!

Dr. D set up another ultrasound @ our request. We both need to see baby is ok one more time before the big day....which seems to be coming @ light speed!

Work has been good this week! I have decided that I am not a phlebotomist nor will I ever be! I still haven't had a lot of practice and I HATE when I can't do something and have never been one that likes to ask for help...well unless it's my sweet husband when I can't get my shoes on! LOL

I am starting to hate the drive but know that I don't have alot of options. Duane and I have been tossing around the idea of moving. My kids are not in agreement. Andy wants to stay here and Kate is set on leaving....anywhere but here! My mother would go anywhere I wanted. I hate the thought of uprooting everything I have here. School, doctors, work....everything. On the other hand it would be nice to be closer to Duane's family.

Still in thought!

Big Brother 14 started last night! I have been looking 4wd to this FOREVER as it is probably my favorite show! I even went the distance and subscribed to Showtime 2 so I can't watch Big Brother After Dark!!! Luckily my little sidekick loves MOST of this reality crap as much as I do!!!

COMING UP!!!!!

U guessed it! Chiefs training camp!!!! I pray there is 1 day...all I want is 1 day that isn't a complete scorcher so that this girl (and her growing Matty fan) can spend a day watching my boys play!

JULY 27TH BABY!!!!!



What a week it has been!!!!

Getting the hang of things but still trying to get used to someone barking at me every single time I move. Some days are good and I leave thinking...I did really well and other days I cry all the way home! Maybe it's because I'm pregnant? Maybe it's because I have always worked nights and have never been exposed to all this chaos? Maybe it's because I don't work with the nicest people I have ever been exposed to? Maybe it's a combination of all of these things. Praying things get better!!!!

I had promised Kate a shopping trip this weekend. It is all she has talked about...NOT kidding! We had done some shopping on Ebay...looking for a 1Direction (the new teenage craze) and bid and lost the t-shirt she wanted. Andy had to work til 11 on Friday and I had agreed to drop him @ the mall because he was meeting a girl...AND it was his payday. We got to St. Jo a little after 12:30. Made the drop then Kate and I went to The New China Buffet which was amazing as always. We split up once we got to the mall. I am a Gordmans addict and her favorite store is Rue 21.

I finally found Liam's "coming home from the hospital" outfit! Absolutely love it! Carters clothing was always my favorite brand with Andy and Kate. Some things never change! I also found this SUPER cute blankey that matches his sheets for the bassinet and his carrier/stroller! He is one lucky baby and we can't wait to get him here!!! Monday starts my 3rd trimester. 12 weeks to go!!!! I have been picking up all the little things such as pacifiers, sheets, lotion, blankeys...a little at a time! I have always been a planner and will not be able to relax until we have everything we need! After I finished up oooohing and aaaaahhhhing everything @ Gordmans, I waddled my way to Rue 21 where Kate spent a good portion of her money. We then made our way to Claires...which we love but dang they are high on a lot of their stuff. We are cheapos!!! HOWEVER...Kate found a small section of 1 Direction merchandise. I thought she was gonna pass out! I remember the days of my NKOTB fantasies. I know exactly how she felt! We found a t-shirt just her size. Threw down some dollars and off to the potty room to put on so she could sport it while we finished up our shopping. I must say she looked pretty dang cute. A happy child is always my favorite!!!!

  

My cravings this week have been all over the place. Currently I am thinking of frying some cabbage and bacon and Kate wants to watch a movie. I only get 2 nights off a week so I try to make the best of them with my family. Luckily...we are all pretty close and still kinda miss each other when we don't spend a lot of time together!!

I worry about my Mama alot. I work 40 hours a week and it has been 100+ all week. My goal for the week is to take her to lunch or maybe just take her a KFC dinner. She never complains but I can't imagine how lonely she is and that breaks my heart. I would have never survived the last 2 months without her and now that I am back on my feet...it's time 4 this girl to make it up to her!

My Mom is SUPER excited about the arrival of Liam. Anytime I buy the baby something, I take it over to show her. She gets sooooo giddy!





Getting Things Ready 4 Our Little Guy!

The last 2 days I have had the most annoying eye twitch! Typically this is remedied by a good ol' fashioned nap! Not so in this case. Stress? Not really stressed this week. Well...not now as I have had the last 2 days off!

This week @ work was very stressful and my first 5 day evening stretch. This will be my schedule til I take maternity leave in October! I pray I am able to do this as I have lost my vacation pay @ Nodaway and haven't been @ Pine View long enough for FMLA/sick time...all the good stuff! This baby stuff is expensive! I had almost forgotten! Luckily, I sit most of the time @ work and only a time or two have I sat on the floor to do dressings. Some things I have just had to learn the hard way that this isn't really gonna work for me anymore! Med pass is prolly the most difficult time for me cuz standing still is a back crippler!

I have almost hit week 26. I have been having regular Braxton Hicks contraction which aren't painful but enough to remind me to slow down! I am starting to think alot about the delivery. Duane and I have definitely decided that this is the only baby we will be having so I have been contemplating getting my tubes tied/c-section birth! I worry about the recovery time...oh and the pain of natural birth...its been 14 years but I will NEVER 4get!!!! Appt. with Jane on Tuesday! I have yet to gain anything which I'm feeling pretty good about since I am eating everything in site!!!! I know this can't last 4 ever though!

This week has been rough for my partner in life as well. More job complications but finally the Doc decided to do some thorough XRays on his back and neck and I think we may be trying to get disability for him in the future. Such a good man and he wants to help so bad but over and over again, he just isn't physically capable.

I got a glimpse of what he is gonna be like on delivery day last Wednesday. Another reason I am wanting a c-section if possible. I just don't think my friendly duck and his anxiety will survive the birth of our child!

This pregnancy has been so different from my other 2 because with my first 2...I was the only one that was excited. Duane is thrilled and talks/sings to the baby daily. He will be such a good Daddy and I can't wait for him to hold baby Liam.....as long as he is sitting down! LOL

Yesterday I sat and did virtually nothing on my first day off. Today I woke up and Duane and I decided to make room for baby. We are keeping baby in our room until we find a bigger apartment next year. We have also made the executive decision to start with the bassinet (which I didn't have for either of my other 2 kiddies) 1 because its smaller and 2 because a crib and bedding cost A LOT and we have so much stuff we need to get and losing my job in the middle of my pregnancy put a lot of stress on us financially but with help from both of our parents, we are getting by.

Going through all Liam's clothes and all the stuff we have bought, we had forgotten about so much of it. Gives me a sense of relief to have everything in its place now. We have alot more than I thought we did. Still have a ton of stuff to get but a little at a time...we will get there! I thank God for yard sales because I have picked up sooooo much. Brand new name brand clothes!!! LOVE IT!!!



Waiting 4 Liam...

Time seems to be going faster since our last ultrasound. I am almost 24 weeks now. I still don't really look like I'm pregnant, prolly cuz I was a biggin to start with. I haven't gained any weight yet which concerns me but the US wasn't that long ago and we saw with our own eyes that he was growing. I'm not in a rush to gain weight just want the healthiest little guy possible!

Liam is usually very active especially @ bedtime. Sometimes on my way home from work he has already started kicking because he knows I'm trying to wind down. LOL

I have been craving corn on the cob and veggies. Sweets! I have been trying to eat more meat as I know Liam needs it. Tonight I am making Salisbury steak and taters and tomorrow I am gonna attempt a meatloaf. I'm making a salad in case I am unable to eat it!

I have been on my own at work...well not literally left alone yet but they don't help much anymore. I got a little overwhelmed yesterday with all the faxes and orders and placement of everything. I am a very organized person. I don't like a mess and I can't stand chaos! I also don't like that I don't know what I'm doing and have to ask for help. Hoping it gets better! Andy has been doing pretty good at his job. Hoping he gets himself a haircut with his first check!!! Duane starts Sunday night. Not sure how long this will last as he is already dreading it! Hoping he can maybe stay there til after I have the baby at least...so that I don't have to play catch up when I go back from maternity leave.

My Mom has helped us out sooooo much this last month. Her birthday is next month. I hope that I am at least able to take her out to eat! She's the only family I have left.

I try not to think about Dad and Julie not being here to see Liam but the truth is they aren't and I can't NOT think about it. I know when I see Duane's Dad with Liam it's gonna kill me cuz for some reason Pa reminds me of my own Dad!

I pray every day that Liam is perfectly healthy. A healthy baby is truly a blessing and one that so many take for granted.

A New Start!

Yesterday I worked my first 2-10 shift. For the most part it was good. Seems like a lot of stuff to remember. Almost overwhelming but I don't think they are turning me loose til next week. Yesterday I didn't even get a break. My back was bad b4 I got pregnant and is even worse now. Today, I will have to insist on a break! I think things will go better once I have my own routine and feel comfortable in the environment.

Andy starts his job @ McDonald's today. I believe it is just orientation and he should get his uniforms today. Duane starts orientation on Thursday. I am more concerned about him KEEPING this job because more than ever we need this job at least til after I have the baby. Money is scarce right now. With help from both of our parents, we are just getting by. Duane was able to get his car licensed yesterday which is great because both of the boys are starting work this week but we have no food in the house. (not exaggerating).  We applied for food stamps as soon as I lost my job from Nodaway but they look @ your income from the previous month so we don't qualify for anything this month which is when we DESPERATELY need them. Maybe we will get some help next month when our income will be higher than ever. Makes PERFECT sense 2 me!

It's sad but what are you gonna do about it?