I deactivated my Facebook earlier this week. I have found I am less likely to get my feelings hurt with it deactivated. I miss it but so many things in my life have changed over the last several months that it's as if I am standing on the outside of a department store having a HUGE sale and I can't get in!
I try to focus on what makes me happy and stray from the mental stressors of everyday life.....
Currently I am in my 31st week. Today I have my 3rd and most likely my last ultrasound. Hoping Liam is doing ok and is getting into position 4 his big debut!!!! When I started working 2-10 I thought...oh boy...I don't have to be tired all the time anymore! WRONG! I am exhausted all the time. I am getting along better at work. Takes a long time for me to feel comfortable anywhere but I'm getting by. I wish I wasn't so socially awkward sometimes and wish that I could be more aggressive but that is a trait I got from my Mama. Not all bad I suppose but kind of a necessity when they expect you to be a CHARGE nurse.
Sometimes while I am typing on my blog I have flashbacks of my Doogie Howser M.D. days. Gosh I loved that show! Life was so simple back then. I had an amazing childhood. Sure I only had a handful of friends but they were good friends. I try to explain that to my daughter as she complains of only having a couple friends. She will be greatful for those friends later in life when she grows up and they all go their separate ways. Life does that to people and its so sad. I miss all of my friends. All of them...from every stage in my life. I keep in contact with nobody. All I have left are memories.
Kate returned from church camp this week. She had a blast and can't wait for her little brother to go to church camp where she will hopefully be a camp counselor. I pray that she stays involved in church and continues to be proud of her religion and her love for God as she goes into high school. High school sucks...there is really no other way to describe it....it sucks! I hated it and wouldn't go back if they paid me. Sad to think in 4 more years she will be out of school. She wants to grow up about as much as I want her to but unfortunately I haven't been able to find this "fountain of youth" yet!!!!
Andrew has quit his job @ McDonalds about a week and a half ago. Conveniently a week after we got him a new bed in which he was going to make monthly payments for. Even more convenient I get to take over those payments. The last week has been very similar to the behavior I was dealing with right before he went away to Clarence Kelley. I pray that we don't have to revisit those days. When I say we...I really mean ME! I am the one that can't sleep at night because I don't know where he is or what he is doing. I'm sure his Dad is sleeping like a baby. I can't imagine having 2 children and not supporting them or even caring about their well being. Just hope that he finds another job soon and I don't have to drag him out of bed every single morning to go to school.
I whine alot about foolish things like never having any money after I get paid to do the things I WANT to do. I guess I should be happy with what I have? I try to be. I really do. All my bills are paid but gosh it would be nice to be able to take myself shopping or get my hair done or my nails...blah blah blah. I keep trying to cut things in my head such as internet or cell phones or tv. All these things I fight to pay every month that are just a stressor but they are also things I want and my kids want. Not sure what the answer is but I'm tired of struggling. I make alot of money but the only way I survive is with my mother's help. Have I said thank God for her today??? I have thought about a second job after baby is born but do I really wanna go back to a 60 hour work week?
I THINK NOT!!!
Praying something good happens so I can enjoy life a little before my children are grown!!!
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