And yet another rock in my road...

Last night b4 bed, I thought it would be a good idea to check on my unemployment claim cuz this is my 3rd week and I have been waiting for it to be approved. Not sure why I thought it would be so easy. Long story short? It was denied d/t misconduct in the workplace. Everyone tells me I should appeal it. Ok. Will do. Will it even help? Is it a waste of my time? I have a couple friends that have been trying to get me to apply @ Pine View in Stanberry. I always really liked Pine View. I had everything planned out in my head how it would be great to draw unemployment til baby was born cuz I'm not sure I can be on my feet for 8 hours!

Just so angry that all of this is happening. I have to worry about losing our apartment. Meanwhile I am 6 months pregnant and trying to enjoy being pregnant with my last child. Duane is still awaiting news from Wal-Mart. Hopefully today we get some good news!!!

It's A......Boy?????

Yesterday was our Ultrasound that we had been patiently (not so much) been waiting for. I was nervous because my biggest fear was that she wouldn't be able to tell what the sex was! Duane was almost to the point of having a panic attack! I made sure my bladder was ULTRA full because I wanted to be sure she had a clear view.

We got there a little early because I was hoping to get in a little early! We waited maybe 5 minutes. The girl was very nice and professional and we both settled down pretty quickly when we saw her! She was able to see the sex almost immediately! She thought she saw something then no then yes definitely. WE HAVE A BOY!!! My first thought was NO! I was having a girl. I was certain! Almost everyone was. This had to be a mistake! I almost cried. Then as I laid there looking @ our little baby Liam Austin Whitham, I reminded myself that this was God's gift to us. He knew we were only having one more child and this was what he wanted us to have.

She gave us several pictures to take home. I was expecting 1!!! As we pulled into my Mom's driveway to tell her the news, Duane was on the phone with his Mom. She was so excited as was his entire family. It's soooo nice to have support with this baby! When I got inside...Mom had been expecting me. I showed her the pictures and she began to cry. (which is what my Mama does LOL) She then went out and hugged Duane and told him congrats!

Duane and I both always wanted little Emma and he adjusted to the news of a boy better than I did. I'm still adjusting but warming up to the idea!!

We also learned that we were alot further along than expected. She bumped us up almost 3 weeks with a new due date of OCTOBER 3RD!!!! I am almost in my 6th month!!! Now...if Duane could find a job so I can draw unemployment? THAT would most certainly be the blessing I have been looking for!

My Lowest Low!

I wish somebody would have told me 6 months ago that I would be unemployed with nowhere to turn before we decided to have a baby. This was not at all what I had in mind for this child. I can't think of a time in my life when I have been this depressed before. I don't want to see anyone, talk to anyone, hear anything. I just want silence so I can be miserable with my own thoughts. I'm pretty sure I have lost the 2 best friends I had because I kept turning them away when they were trying to help. That's just not the way I function when I'm depressed. I have even found myself questioning my faith again. Why would God do this to me? I'm not a bad person. I actually thought I was a good person, a good nurse and now I have come to the crossroad where I have to decide rather I need to pursue another nursing career or give it up because Nodaway wont give me a good referral??? Its sad. I have built my entire life around nursing. I love nursing. I don't know what else I would do. Not to mention I would have my pay check cut in half if I went to a min. wage job. (my biggest fear) I deleted 60 of my friends off of Facebook yesterday. I just feel like nobody cares. People that I thought were my friends? There aren't any.

In my head I keep going over in my head what I could have done differently @ Nodaway. Why was I so bad that they thought I needed to be fired? There is only so much you can do on the night shift. We were doing everything we were supposed to be doing. I'm just confused. I am so full of hate and anger mixed with sadness. I don't know rather to tear something apart or just sit in the corner and cry. I wanted that job @ Village. I wanted it bad and had really gotten excited about it. It would have been perfect to have a day shift job.

I'm not sure what is next for us. Duane had an interview @ Wal-Mart yesterday. It went well. If everything comes back good on his background screening/drug test, he will orientate next week. This is the only thing we have left. If he can't get this job (and keep it) then we will be looking for a new place to live.

The Ultrasound is this Tuesday. An event we have been excited for this entire pregnancy but now I don't even wanna go. I can't be excited about bringing baby into our lives right now. Duane has been amazing through all of this. He is my rock. (or my glue) He has tried soooo hard to cheer me up. I'm just not in that place right now.

Hoping my next post is that of good news and some HUGE life changing event. A nun told me many years ago that the very last thing you can take from a person is hope. I truly believe that.

WEEK 17

Up until now every post has been virtually happy. With everyday life challenges...ya never know what your gonna get. This is what I got this week! Trying to stay upbeat and positive. God has a plan for me. I just wish I would have seen this one coming and knew what was coming next so I can stop stressing and just enjoy this time off. Unfortunately, that's not the way my mind works and my hormones are crazy anyway. Pray for me and my family!

Indeed...I am still alive!

Monday was my night off and I FINALLY got some scrapping done! I created 3 layouts with the kits I bought on iNSD! I haven't created any baby layouts since they set my due date back 2 weeks! I was doing soooo well then WAM!!! I didn't know what to do being 13 weeks and going back to a week I had already scrapped. Still kind of in denial that I am 16 weeks and not 18.

I have been having a lot of baby movement and my nausea went away. May 29th is my next Ultrasound and I PRAY that we will find out the sex @ that time! We have soooo many things we still need and have been waiting for this day!

Yesterday I applied for my first CT on DST in 3 years. Pretty sure I won't get it. When I moved out of Parnell 3 years ago I was on about 6 teams. I am looking to do about 1 or 2 because I was on so many it seemed like a chore and scrapping is something I really enjoy! I wish some of my close friends were scrappers but haven't sold anyone yet!

Sitting here debating on throwing myself in the car and going to get McDonalds or just throwing myself in bed with the Hubbs! Ohhhhh the decisions!!!